making up for what we will never be

Today, I was thinking about all those years I spent hating my hair because of how other girls always made fun of it. I spent about 20 years thinking how gross my hair was and how much I wished I had pretty brown hair like the other girls I went to school with. I spent years wishing it wasn't so jet black and curly, but what I wished for most was that I didn't have so much hair. Then when I had my first son and he was born bald I just about fell out my hospital bed when they gave him to me.

Could this be my son? This bald ass baby? As he became a toddler and his beautiful light brown curls started coming in and all the moms juts died when they saw his perfect hair, I would secretly giggle. The girl who was once called Medusa and Palm Tree head had the son with the perfect hair they all wanted for their daughters.

My husband and I have been talking lately about how children have a great way for making up for what "we" will never be. It is life's way of showing us the other side, the grass that we always thought was greener and the way to show us that our troubles did not go unrewarded but it could also be life's way of showing you what the dead grass looked like and learning some compassion for others.

I have a friend whom I adore who is very depressed right now. She in every way is a wonderful mom, wife, friend and person but she is going through some rough times now. I think she is a hoot and is incredibly easy to get along with but when she goes to her mom group she has a hard time making friends with the "it" gals. But my friend's little girl is a shining star that all the other little girls like. Her daughter has no trouble making friends, socializing and becoming the center of the play group. Someday, her child will be one of the "it" girls that the other girls want to be accepted by. So, my friend who has always been on the outside looking in will get to see through her daughter's eyes what it feels like to be part of that inner circle.

I much rather have been dog girl than to have one of my own children be the child called that. Not that my boys will not be ridiculed someday or that they won't go through their own pains, unfortunatley we all do. But it is just great when our children seem to be what we always wanted to be. It is also great knowing that when you have children that are looked up to because they are one of the "desirables" you can mold them into accepting all people even the "undesirables". That is something I as a once SUPER undesirable drill into my boys...have compassion for others!

For me almost being thirty is showing me that life is not about wanting to be something but capitalizing on what we are. I might never know what it feels like to have that perfect straight hair I can shampoo and go with. What I do have works for me and I have come to love it. I have other things that make me very happy to look in the mirror no matter what that physical image that reflects back is.

As far as my friend goes, she may never be part of that clique of moms sitting on the blanket at the park during the play group meetings. What she will always be is the mom who spends the play group time playing with her daughter and the other kids having the REAL fun. She will be the mom who does things for her children not because that is what the other moms are doing but because those things are what seem right for her kids. She is the mom who instead of spending her free time doing something for herself she does things for her children and for others.

So, to her who I relate to dearly in many ways kick those feelings you are having because sweetie you are more than one of the "it" girls. To me you are an inspiration, a friend that truly shares her life with me, a mom who does not pretend to be perfect and better yet, a person who never looks down on me for my own shortcomings. Your greatest reward will be that daughter who God gifted to you who will make up for those things you never got to experience.

Remember life has a funny way of rewarding people for their good and bad actions so...the bitches on the blanket that don't make room for you will someday get to experience their children being the ones on the outside looking in. But, luckily for their child maybe your daughter will be one of those desirable girls on the blanket and having learned from your pain, she will make room on the blanket for their child whom might not be a "desirable" no matter what the other girls think of her!

Blog 2u Later!